When Emmett is bored
by Herokari
Summary: When Emmett gets bored and drives Edward insane, which eventually results in him getting kicked out of the house, what does he do to satisfy his boredom? Hilariousness follows…
1. Get Out of this House!

When Emmett is bored…

Prologue: When Emmett gets bored and drives Edward insane, which eventually results in him getting kicked out of the house, what does he do to satisfy his boredom? Hilariousness follows…

**Chapter One: Get Out of the House!**

Edward sat in a chair re-reading Wuthering Heights for the hundredth time that week. He had previously been driving himself insane waiting for Bella to return from a shopping trip with Alice when he decided to pass the time by reading one of Bella's favorite novels. He had finally lost himself in the book when something brought him out of his imaginary world…

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Edward looked up in annoyance at Emmett who was sitting across the room, starring at the blank tv screen. The tv was no longer working after some idiotic teens thought it a good idea to go digging around their cable lines, accidently severing Emmett's link to sanity. It was only when he was watching tv that Edward wasn't being annoyed by Emmett, the guy never seemed to shut up…

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap

Edward growled, trying his hardest to ignore Emmett's foot repeatedly pounding the wooden floor boards. Emmett seemed to notice this was annoying Edward and a grin spread over his face. Well, since there's nothing better to do, why not annoy his little brother? But how to start? There was an art to annoying a Cullen, especially Edward. He didn't break easily, but there had to be something he could say…or think…to get on his nerves.

'_Let's see…maybe I could start singing Britney Spears…na, not good enough. Oh I know…'_

Edward glanced up momentarily, hearing Emmett's thoughts he knew he had to brace himself for a never-ending parade of stupid.

'_Gee, Bella and Alice are taking forever; I wonder what's taking so long? Maybe Alice decided to change Bella into one of us, or maybe they ran into Jacob Black and he kidnapped Bella! Oh, the humanity of it all!'_

Edward growled from across the room, warning Emmett to back off. Of course this did nothing but fuel his excitement. Emmett began thinking about different scenarios where Bella was carried off into the night by the werewolf until Edward chucked the book he was reading across the room at lightning speed, nailing Emmett directly in the forehead.

"OW!" Emmett yelled in mock hurt.

Edward stood up and pointed to the door, "Get out of this house Emmett, NOW!"

Emmett grinned widely, "Aw c'mon Eddie-kens, don't be like that. I was only joking."

A growl rippled from the back of Edward's throat and Emmett stood up, holding his hands up in surrender. He wouldn't be able to get any more fun out of this irritated vampire. "Alright, alright, I'm going. Don't get your knickers in a twist!"

Edward rolled his eyes and got up to retrieve his book off the floor. That was it; whenever the tv was fixed they had to look into blocking some channels and forcing Emmett to watch something other than football. The history channel would do him good…even Barney would be better than some of the shows he watches when he's bored.

Emmett walked out the front door towards his jeep and began thinking, now what was he supposed to do for fun? Another wide grin spread across his face,

'_I have a few ideas in mind…'_

**A/N : Okay, that's chapter one, sorry it's short, but I need reviews to post the next chapter, which, by the way, is going to be hilarious!!! Thanks for reading!**


	2. Messing with McDonalds

**A/N- hehe, so this chapter, sad to say, has come from some life experiences. While I did not do these things I was present for the hysteria ******** Hope you like this next chapter! Warning, there are a few, as in two, cuss words in this chapter. I was laughing the whole time I wrote it…oh yeah, I forgot to do this before…**

**Disclaimer: I OWN TWILIGHT!!!!! Na, I wish, all characters and such belong to Stephanie Myer, I only create the crazy situations Emmett gets himself into. **

**Chapter Two: Messing with McDonalds and a Sparkly Surprise for Edward**

Emmett whistled a nameless tune as he sped down the highway. He'd always wanted to do this but could never succeed because of a few reasons: one, he was a vampire, which meant he didn't eat human food. So going to McDonalds was always unheard of. And two, even if by some odd change they did go to McDonalds, he would most certainly be restrained and gagged when Edward and Alice realized what he was about to do. Emmett laughed out loud, hardly being able to contain his excitement.

He pulled into a McDonalds and proceeded to go to the drive-thru. He actually began bouncing up and down in his seat, growing more hyper by the second. However once he pulled up to the ordering machine he calmed down, putting a serious face on, and went over what he was going to say in his head.

"Welcome to McDonalds, what can I get for you today?"

Emmett had to hold back a snicker as he spoke, "uh, yeah, I need a double cheeseburger with one patty, hold the cheese."

There was a long pause on the other side before the girl spoke again. "Excuse me?"

"I said I need a double cheeseburger with only one patty, hold the cheese." He clamped his boulder-like hands over his mouth to contain his laughter.

After another long pause she said, "So, you want a hamburger?"

Emmett put on his serious face again, "No! I want a double cheeseburger, one patty, no cheese! Is that so hard to do!?" He then heard what sounded like the girl curse over the intercom.

"Sir, you want to order a hamburger, is that all for you today?"

Emmett then became scary furious, which was odd considering he was having a laughing fit on the inside. "Listen here lady, I want a double cheeseburger, one patty, hold the freakin cheese. Get that through your thick skull." He made sure to talk slowly as if the lady had not been listening properly.

The lady sighed in defeat, deciding she didn't care to win this battle of stubbornness, "Yes, sir, I'll have your order ready." She gave him his total and asked that he pulled around to the second window.

Emmett drove around the curve and peaked inside the first window, he saw the girl smacking her head lightly against the wall, muttering something about shooting the head off the next prankster who tried something on her. He might have felt sorry for her if the whole thing hadn't been so damn funny.

After getting his order, which he carelessly threw in the passenger seat, he pulled away from McDonalds pleasantly pleased with himself. He glanced down at the receipt and thought about going back and demanding a refund, they had listed his order as a hamburger. Oh well, another boring day perhaps.

'_Hmmm….now what else can I do for fun? I could go to pizza hut and order a mushroom pizza, then demand a refund because there is fungus on my pizza…na, not good enough…' _

He drove around for a while, doing various pranks such as going to Edward and Bella's meadow and very carefully carving a heart in a nearby tree. Inside the heart he scratched Bella and Jacob, just to get a rise out of the two, mainly Edward. Next he drove to a detailing store and purchased some glittery hearts and stars.

'_This is going to be classic! Edward's gonna regret kicking me out of the house…'_

He then drove back home and ever so carefully placed all the stick-on stars and hearts all over Edwards shiny silver Volvo. He walked triumphantly back into the house, he'd been out for a while, surely Edward wouldn't mind him back-

A knife whizzed by his ear and embedded itself in the doorframe beside his face. Guess he does mind…He looked up to see Edward sitting casually in the chair across the room, his nose in same book as before.

"What was that for!?"

Edward looked up, faking sincerity, "I don't know what you're talking about big brother."

Emmett growled, "Like hell you don't…" He then remembered his prank waiting in the garage, '_Wait, no don't think about the Volvo…' _He then began to count backwards from 100 in German.

Edward looked up suspiciously, why was Emmett trying to block his thoughts, and why had he heard the end of the word 'Volvo' before his older brother had began distracting himself? "Emmett…do you need to tell me something? What are trying to not think about?"

Emmett froze before running upstairs while shouting in a sing-songy voice "Nothing!"

Edward got up, dreading what he might find awaiting him in the garage.

Emmett snickered as he sat down on his bed, finally allowing himself a slight moment of laughter that he'd been holding in almost all day. It wouldn't be long now… maybe another few minutes…

The door slammed downstairs.

Or maybe a few seconds….

Then it finally came.

"EMMETT!!!!!!!! I AM GOING TO TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF YOUR BODY AND USE IT AS A BASKETBALL!!!!"

That's all it took, he was on the ground, rolling around in uncontrollable laughter.

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**A/N- Well, that's chapter 2!!! Hope you liked it. Btw, if you have any suggestions just post them and I'll try to work them in. Same story as before, reviews=next chapter! Laterz!**


	3. Never Try To Scare Alice

When Emmett is Bored…

Okay, this chapter is dedicated to Billney who gave me the ideas for this chapter…I laughed while writing this one too…enjoy! This fic should really be titled when Julie gets bored she writes about Emmett getting bored…lol

Disclaimer: I was so happy when I found out I owned Twilight…and then so sad to wake up and realize it was all a dream…

**Chapter Three: Never Try to Scare Alice**

-Normal POV-

Emmett was sulking in his room after Edward had tried to tear his head off, not succeeding of course after Esme heard the fight and quickly broke it up, threatening to ground them if they destroyed the house(hey, they're still teens with a mom! lol)

He was still extremely bored, not sure what to do with himself. He couldn't mess with Edward anymore, which meant Bella was out of the picture…although it was very tempting to mess with the human he feared that would push his over-protective brother over the edge. Of course he wouldn't mess with Rose…you never want to face her wrath…Jasper didn't play fair with his emotion-controlling abilities…and he wouldn't dare go after Esme or Carlisle…that's it! Alice!

He grinned widely at the thought of pranking her. She wasn't one to hold a grudge…as long as he didn't touch her clothes; in fact she would probably try and get revenge, which would keep Emmett from being bored for a while. But what could he do? Another grin spread across his face as he began orchestrating a plan.

He ran across the hallway into Alice's room, not even attempting to hide his glee. He walked over to her closet and slipped in, pulling the door closed behind him. He was very careful not to rearrange anything, or Alice would surely kill him…in a matter of speaking. His plan was perfect; Alice would come to her room and walk straight to her closet to put away her new clothes, as she always did when returning from a shopping trip. When she opened the door he would jump out at her, scaring the bejibees(yes, I know that's not a real word, but it is now!) out of her. She would be so caught up in her shopping excursion she wouldn't even see him coming in a vision. It was a perfect plan…or so he thought.

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-Alice POV-

I was walking to my yellow Porsche, a dozen different shopping bags in my two hands, when I stopped suddenly. I was having a vision, unlike ones I had been plagued with in the past; ones that stopped me in fear… this one stopped me in hysteric laughter. I saw Emmett, in all his boyish excitement, run from his room into mine…and into my closet! What the heck Emmett?! I was relieved when I saw he was being cautious around my clothes, but if he wasn't after my clothes, than what was he up to? I saw him grinning widely, crouching down behind the closed door, as if waiting to pounce…so that's what he was doing. He thought he could scare me! Well I'll teach him…

I picked my shopping bags up, which I had dropped them when the vision had hit me, and proceeded to load them into my car. Now I was excited about getting home and thwarting Emmett's extremely flawed plan, he was going to learn the hard way that when you bet against Alice Cullen you're gonna lose.

-Normal POV-

Emmett's inhuman hearing caught the sound of a car pulling into the garage. He bounced on the balls of his feet excitedly, looking more like a five year old in a candy store than a hundred year old vampire. _'This is going to be hilarious! Alice won't know what hit her! She'll regret ever telling me nothing takes her by surprise.'_

He waited patiently as he heard Alice enter the room and approach her closet. He leaned back on his heels, preparing to throw himself at the unsuspecting vampire. Then he froze, he heard a sound, but it wasn't the turning of the doorknob like he'd expected. Instead it was a quiet flowing sound like…like the sound of the deadbolt sliding into place. As Emmett realized he had been outsmarted by his sister he let a low growl escape from the back of his throat. "Alice Cullen you unlock this door right now!"

She giggled happily from the other side of the locked door, "And why would I do that Emmett?"

He thought frantically, sure he could burst through the door, but then Esme would ground him for breaking something! He sat in silence for a moment, trying to figure out a way out of the sticky situation he had placed himself in. Then an idea came to him. "Because if you don't let me out…I'm going to eat your favorite blouse!"

Alice gasped before regaining her composure, "You wouldn't dare!"

"And why wouldn't I? I've done worse to your clothes in the past." He snickered as he remembered an incident involving a few matches and various pairs of tights and bras.

"Because if you even touch my clothes Esme will have your head! Don't think she's forgotten about the last time. I believe her exact words were 'Emmett if you tamper with the girl's clothes one more time I'm selling your jeep.' Or something to that effect." Alice grinned triumphantly, knowing she had just won. She sat her bags on her bed and turned off the light, closing the door to her room behind her.

Emmett heard her leave and sighed in defeat_. 'That's what you get for trying to prank a vampire who can see the future, idiot!'_ He smacked his forehead. Unfortunately he did this with so much force he knocked himself backwards and into Alice's closet shelves. He watched in horror as the first shelf fell into another shelf which in turn knocked over another, a domino effect growing rapidly until clothes were strewn everywhere and all the shelves lay in a pile on the closet floor. _'Oh crap…'_

Alice was frozen on the stair case; a vision had hit her seconds before the loud crashing noises had begun. She was about to run back up to her room and beat the daylights out of Emmett when she decided against it. She smirked deviously and continued down the stairs.

Emmett waited in the silent dark closet, expected to hear Alice scream his name any second. He sighed with relief, thinking maybe she hadn't heard the commotion and he could escape. However his hopes were short lived. He froze as he heard the deadbolt slide back and the closet door open. His eyes grew wide with horror, it wasn't Alice like he'd been expecting.

Esme stood in the doorway, a look of pure fury on her face that only a mother could master. "Emmett Cullen you are grounded! And I'm giving your jeep to Alice!"

Emmett opened his mouth and wailed loudly, "But Mom!!!!!!!"

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**A/N: So what'd you think? I seriously think this is the funniest chapter so far, and I loved writing it, gave me a break from studying for finals…ugh…I hate finals. Anywayz, review please! And give me some more ideas, I am currently idealess…is that even a word? Lol, Laterz!**


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